Have been a crying baby lately. Even the slightest emotions can cause the outburst of tears in me. So last night when I was watching running man on my ipad, I got this call from him.

Him: When's my flight again?
Me: 6th lor.
Him: Coming back?
Me: 16th.
Him: On 16th? What time I arrive?
Me: Ya, 5.30pm KL and 7.30 Penang. (Sounded like a his PA or what) Why?
Him: Oh nothing la should be OK.
Me: Why?
Him: Father's day.
Me: Opps, how?
Him: Never mind la should be OK.

Then I continued watching Runningman for another hour, and thought I have been careless for not noticing it was father's day. So I texted him saying 'sorry ah didn't realised it was father's day, can you make it in time for dinner then?'. And here comes the devastating news (wished there'd be lightning striking and thunderstorm emoticon).

Whatsapping---

Him: I think have to change the date.
Me: Of the flight? (Hoping to change Father's Day lol)
Him: Ya, can't go too long, need to settle the stuff here. Change to Wednesday la.
Me: ..... (literally feel knives stabbing into my heart). But we are only coming back from GC Tuesday night.
Him: Oh is it? Then Thursday la, one week there should be enough.
Me: (still a million knives stabbing my heart) OK I help you check and see.

I sat up, sat on my bed, and cried. Sobbing like a kid. I knew I can't tell him to stay, because work is more important, and I totally understand that. But I can't hide my disappointment either.

Long distance has been hard. In fact many would say we both meet way too often for a LDR (just saw him for a month ago when I flew home to vote). We have been together for a year and 3 months now, and we have been in a LDR for 10 months. In this 10 months we have seen each other 4 times, which is not too bad for a LDR. So averagely we see each other every 2.5 months. And to all those who says we are seeing each other too much, go bloody start an LDR before you comment. Being in an LDR is tough, and I have had so many failed LDR that one reason I didn't want to start this relationship initially was to avoid a LDR. But he told me he would try all his best to make it happen, and we have been keeping our promises, trying as hard to maintain this relationship. We facetime each other everyday, but that is different from having to spend time together in person. I always joked that we are just the 1 hour couple, where we actually play a part in each other's daily life for an hour a day. And for the rest of the 23 hours, we have to live our own life.

So back to the story, he says it is just a few days earlier, and we could still see each other for a week. FOUR days earlier, half a week. And for us who could only meet what, 30 days out of 365 days, 4 days is like 1% extra OK. Not trying to make a big deal out of this, and I wouldn't want him to stay and neglect his work either, I just thought I would write this down, so that one day if I suddenly feel like we are seeing each other too much or when we are lazy to do any fun things together anymore, I would look back at this entry, and remember these days, when we have to make so much effort, just to see and spend a week with each other; and when I sat on my bed and cried, because I couldn't see him just for a few days more.

老了

忘了自己是如何可以記得拿些小小的細節，再把它們用文字串起，那些在腦海中已沈睡的畫面，卻隨著這些文字生動了，歷歷在目。現在的我，卻好像再也沒有那種記得細節的腦力，連文字的表達能力也同步衰退了。是老了嗎？還是現在對生活已經麻木？怎麼現在要我寫寫今天發生了甚麼事我也一片空白？